The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
