he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
