so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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