You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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