I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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