Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Church boner. Awkwardddd
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
