I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
