My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
