gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
