She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
