Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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