Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
