Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
