they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
