So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
