thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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