I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
