Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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