You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
