where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
