he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
