so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
