OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
