He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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