Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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