So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
