you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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