the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
