New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
