Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
