did you get engaged???
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
