I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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