My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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