ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
