in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
