Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
