then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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