even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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