we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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