I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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