If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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