i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
