I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
