how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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