She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
