All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
