One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
