Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i came on her dog
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
