every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
