how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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