i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
